Tag Archives: people watching

The Pretty Women Passing By, Gazelles and Lions

whole-old-lion

I love women. I love a very specific woman, who I will marry in a few months, but in general I do still love women. I think the desire response is much deeper in the animal brain than we give it credit for. I don’t have a wandering eye, but I do appreciate a healthy body. And the healthier I become, the more I am even fascinated by my own body.

We are animals. We are programmed to look. In the beginning, we were looking for our mama, for milk. Then we progressed to looking for a mate. As humans, after we’ve had our offspring, we are looking more for pleasure. Granted there are plenty of men and women who are still looking for opportunity, but that’s a different urge all together.

I call them gazelles. The beautiful woman who jog by on the running trail. People watching. That’s a fun thing, right? What are we looking at? I can tell you I’m spending an inordinate amount of time on the women. And I can also tell you I have a preference for what excites me. And all this is hard-wired into my animal system. I’m not looking for a mate, I’m not even looking for a playmate, but I’m looking nonetheless.

What is it about beauty that fascinates us all so? On the running trail, I’d guess most women are also admiring the women more than the men. So we’re voyeurs. We like to look. People watching is a thing that both sexes enjoy. And again, I’m curious, what are we watching exactly?

I’m guessing that the sexual nature of our voyeurism is quite high. I notice hips, breasts, hair and eye color, of the passing women. And some I am instantly attracted to, others I’m not. And it’s an entire range of responses. I can see something beautiful in most women that walk by, but there are particular ones that charge me up. What is it?

Joy.

I think that’s the main thing I see when I am attracted to someone along the running trail. Yes, some of the physical characteristics have to be in place, but once we have an apples-to-apples situation, the JOYFUL women are most intriguing to me. I was wondering about this the other day in the grocery store. The whole thing where women get angry when men ask them to smile. I get that. We don’t want to be on display or observed in most of our daily experience. But if a woman (or man) is truly joyful something of that happiness comes through to those around them.

I also think we see joy as love. Joy breeds more joy, so why wouldn’t we want to be with another joyful person. And as a joyful person myself, how could I be happy with someone who was innately sour? Let’s not always make this about my ex-wife, but I’d have to say that her disposition is much less optimistic and open than mine. I never asked her to smile, but I often wondered where the scowl came from. Today, I suppose the scowl comes from me. I’m the cause of much of her wounding in the world, at least that’s what I project onto her angry face. But perhaps she’s just fundamentally unhappy. There are those people.

Let’s lean into love and joy. Let’s move away from those people who are constrained by their own unhappiness. And as we move through the world we can celebrate our joy by sharing it. I don’t think of my glowing smile as a challenge so much as a “hello, how are you, I hope you are happy too,” type greeting. I know it’s often misconstrued as a come-on, but it’s really just about sharing joy.

The gazelles on the trail are fun to look at. More fun when you can see their inner joy. I am tempted to race after them. But as a wizened old lion, what would I do with them if I caught them? Devour their beauty and youth? Pray on their innocence? No, I’d rather just admire their joyful gate as they bound by, young, beautiful, and happy.

I’m no longer in the hunt. My joy is settled and content in my new relationship. But my joy is also meant to be spread. I won’t ever make the mistake of asking a woman to smile, but I might smile at them from my own place of inner joy. To some that’s a challenge and something to be angry about. To others it’s an invitation to share some of my joy.

Life is good. If you are joyful and you show it people notice. By sharing your joy you are spreading the love between you and others. Gazelles and lions can live in peace as human adults.

Always Love,

John McElhenney
@wholeparent

image: old lion, creative commons usage

Laws of Attraction and the Opposite Sex

WHOLE-2016-runner

We are programmed to admire the opposite sex. It’s part of our DNA. Maybe more for men than women, but “we all look.” I was wondering about this a few days ago as I was walking around the lake with my fiancé. Still it’s so fun to look. What is it about voyeurism that’s so enticing? Or is it something more animal?

When a Lamborghini drives by I do my best to get a look at it. Something about the curves, the exotic nature, and the power of that car. 

I like to people watch. Most of us do. But I don’t think of myself as a hound dog. I’m not cat calling or overtly staring. And I’m not trying to hide it from my soon-to-be-wife. We both admire the stream of runners and walkers as we walk together.

Am I sexually attracted to them? Am I looking to cheat on my fiancé? Or is it more of a fascination thing?

One similar situation I compare this phenomenon to is fancy cars. When a Lamborghini drives by I do my best to get a look at it. Something about the curves, the exotic nature, and the power of that car. And I could stand next to one and not grow tired of admiring the engineering.

Perhaps that’s a similar response when looking at a particularly attractive and athletic person. You want to observe the lines, the muscle, the curves. But it’s not like I want to sleep with them all. It’s just that I can appreciate god’s handiwork and the attractive power of the opposite sex. I don’t really want to drive a Lamborghini, but they sure are fun to look at.

I also noticed the other day is how we are programmed to see youth as a beauty as well. And with today’s media obsession we are even more trained than ever to admire the teen shape. The zero body fat, zero age lines, race-ready bodies that go flying by almost have a glow about them. Again, it’s not sexual at this point. At least sexual in the physical sense, the sexual power is more of an animal instinct.

As I’ve grown older and more aware of my own aging and changing shape, I have become more aware of our how media-driven tastes have been focused on the youth. Except in my world, I am no longer interested in youngsters. I have a teenage daughter of my own. I’m more interested in appreciating the lines and burnished look of people my own age, or even older.

Holding hands with my fiancé on the running trail doesn’t diminish my enthusiasm for watching. I’m affirming my joy and connection with this woman, as we go about the dance of living together.

How beautiful to see a gray-haired lady smiling and cruising along getting her 5-miles in. I’m less interested in teen-looking athletes and more interested in people who are happy in their own skins, people doing their own lives with style and grace.

Maybe the fact that we’re all on a running/walking trail is a bit of a filter. Everyone out here is active and working on staying that way. That’s what I look for in a partner (one that I have in spades) and that’s what I look for as I see these beautiful women passing by along the trail. Sure, the occasional gazelle is pretty to see leaping along, but I’m no gazelle. I’m looking for people of my tribe. And part of that tribe is mid-life and going strong.

Holding hands with my fiancé on the running trail doesn’t diminish my enthusiasm for watching. I’m not limiting my opportunities by selecting and being selected by a mate. I’m affirming my joy and connection with this woman, as we go about the dance of living together. You’ve got to stay active to maintain an active lifestyle. And if you’re both into the task you can both enjoy the journey.

Today I’m not really people watching for attractive young women. I notice the allure and draw of their energy and physical form. No. More I am looking for the energy of life in all its active forms. The thing about a Lamborghini that makes it so fascinating is the rarity of seeing one and the knowledge that it goes fast. Same thing with my fiancé: a rare beauty that goes fast. I exercise next to her so I can keep up 15 and 20 years from now.

Always Love,

John McElhenney
@wholeparent

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image: jogging woman in grass, creative commons usage