Becoming a single dad was one of the most traumatic events of my life. I did not want the divorce, I fought against the divorce, and ultimately I agreed to collaborative divorce and was taken to the cleaners by an ex who decided to go for the “divorce package” rather than honor our 50/50 shared parenting agreement.
In the final settlement, I got something called the Standard Possession Order, which amounts to a split of time that works out to 30% for the dad, 70% for the mom. I was losing 2/3 of my time with you and your brother. My biggest fear was coming true.
I'm developing a relationship with myself and I will eventually believe that I am loveable. And so will you. And anyone that takes that glow away from you is not worthy of your gifts.
Get right with yourself before moving on to partner with another person. You'll be much more attractive to other healthy people, and better equipped to see and avoid negative relationships.
Keep sex out of the game until you are sure you want to give this relationship a long-term shot. Sex clouds everything. Sex blinds us to the red flags that could be burning right before our eyes. When the sex hormones kick in we are no longer capable of making rational decisions.
A good father would've made a big difference in my life. As a father, I have always strived to be a good father, even when the decisions were not always what I wanted.
You can't have kids by yourself. Your partner is just as important. Why would it be different when you no longer live together?
However, there's a different type of person out there. I was married to one. I have known of others. And they have a different set of criteria. They have flexibility when it comes to transparency and honesty.
Parenting is a spiritual journey that you enter when your kids are born. The relationships you have as parents may change over time, but your parenting is a huge part of what gives your life meaning. To me, my kids are everything. And to my partner, my love of their kids and their love of my kids, is unfathomable and wonderful when it happens.