Divorce, once mentioned, is a slippery and difficult journey. As you pull apart the lives you’ve built together, there will be anger, resentment, frustration, and even joy, and ecstasy. But the divorce is hard on everyone. Listen for who needs support and then give your love and attention. Always.
POSITIVE DIVORCE (is a concept, an alignment, an intention I use as I go through life as a single dad.)
Divorce is one of the most disorienting events in my life. Everything was lost. I have made a point of trying to turn the bad points into positive information. I am here support you as best I can to lessen the impact on your children. Divorce is the beginning of a new journey. You can make it better for everyone by paying attention to what matters. Your anger at your ex needs to be handled on your own.
She's in control this time. Much more in control than she was in the marriage. Having the angry hammer over my head, must give her some satisfaction, knowing she could precipitate my financial shut down with one phone call.
I learned to do a killer swan dive that summer at the country club. In my feelings of sadness and dread of the coming hurricane of divorce, I began to detach from the happy rich kid.
Here's what that looks like. About 2 - 3 times a year, they freeze my bank accounts. I call them. They ask how much money is in the accounts. (As if they don't know.) Then they take 50% of everything I have. And in the course of the next few days, my banks will unfreeze the rest of the money. Effectively, I am left with zero dollars.
I don't want a single parent to get lost in the shuffle of divorce. I want fathers and mothers to have equal access to their children, even in the case of divorce.
Always respect the other parent. Keep fathers in their kids' lives by giving them half a chance to maintain that relationship. The same chance you have.
And, please, don't aim barbs at your kids meant to hurt your former partner. It never works as expected. Arrows fired at your ex will always affect your children on the way to the target.
Your future is in creating the secure attachment you've always wanted and deserved.
Take your time. Find what turns you on. Make sure you know what you want and what you bring to a new relationship. Then, HAVE FUN.